Some People Only Want Reprieve

Saul wasn't sorry. He only wanted to keep his throne...

"Samuel said, Has the Lord as great a delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices As in obedience to the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed [is better] than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as [serious as] the sin of divination (fortune-telling) And disobedience is as [serious as] false religion and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He also has rejected you as king." - 1 Samuel 15:22-23

Pharoah wasn't sorry. He only wanted to restore his kingdom... 

"Then Pharaoh sent for Moses and Aaron, and said to them, "I have sinned this time; the Lord is righteous, and I and my people are wicked." - Exodus 9:27

Judas wasn't sorry. He only wanted to keep his sanity...

"When Judas, His betrayer, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was gripped with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders, saying, "I have sinned by betraying innocent blood."  - Matthew 27:3-4

The truth is some people don't want repentance; they only want reprieve. Saul wasn't looking for reconciliation with God. He was just wanted reprieve from the consequences of his rebellion. And this is why he lost his throne and son. Pharoah didn't want reconciliation with the Jews. He only wanted reprieve from the plagues. And even though he acknowledged his sin, he didn't repent he repeated. Judas didn't want reconciliation with Jesus. He only wanted reprieve from the guilt of his betrayal. And this is why he battled the darkness of demons and division. 

Sorry is a word in a sentence, but repairing is a process and it demands repentance. God desires for us to have sincerity of heart when we reconcile, both with Him and with those we have sinned against. Repentance is more than acknowledgement or an apology, it is in fact a change of will, behavior and direction and it produces fruit. We all know that the steps from taking a seed to blooming a fruit tree and savoring its rewards is a process. So is repentance.  

"So repent [change your inner self-your old way of thinking, regret past sins] and return [to God-seek His purpose for your life], so that your sins may be wiped away [blotted out, completely erased], so that times of refreshing may come from presence of the Lord [restoring you like a cool wind on a hot day]." - Acts 3:19

"So produce fruit that is consistent with repentance [demonstrating new behavior that proves a change of heart, and a conscious decision to turn away from sin." - Matthew 3:8

"He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, But whoever confesses and turns away from his sins will find compassion and mercy." - Proverbs 28:13

In essence repentance is not merely turning away from, it is also turning back towards Christ. So, it's a twofold action. Yes, it is acknowledging your sin. Yes, it is showing remorse for what you did. However, if no change takes place after that it's not repentance it is reprieve. True repentance will lead to confession to self, God and the ones you have sinned against, but it will also lead you to a desire to not continue doing such things. 

"So if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and while there you remember that your brother has something [such as a grievance or legitimate complaint] against you, leave your offering there at the altar and go. First make peace with your brother and then come and present your offering." - Matthew 5:23-24

"Therefore if anyone is in Christ [that is, grafted in, joined to Him by faith in Him as Savior], he is a new creature [reborn and renewed by the Holy Spirit]; the old things [the previous moral and spiritual condition] have passed away. Behold, new things have come [because spiritual awakening brings new life]."  - 2 Corinthians 5:17

True repentance also is being a place where you desire God's will over your own. And sometimes this means embracing the reality that consequences can lead to the possibility that repair isn't possible within the relationship if your sin was traumatic or on repeat for a lengthy time. It's being willing to embrace that you caused this through your actions. How you respond to that level of rejections and ownership is a true test of your authentic repentance. 

Reprieve if for self. Repentance is for the person we sinned against. What we focus on sometimes determines the fate of our relationships. It also reveals the weapon of your pride.

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit [through factional motives, or strife], with an [attitude of] humility [being neither arrogant or self-righteous], regard others as more important than yourself." - Philippians 2:3

"Before disaster the heart of a man is haughty and filled with self-importance, But humility comes before honor." - Proverbs 18:12

If we are not careful, we can refuse to repent like Saul and still want the throne and title within a relationship. If we are not careful, we can acknowledge our wrongs like Pharoah but still not repent and wonder why people are leaving Egypt. If we are not careful, we can feel badly for what happened liked Judas, but still not repent and wonder why we can't find peace. What Saul, Pharoah and Judas taught us, was that these methods never bring about reconcile but recklessness.  And all three men died by an act of suicide. Saul wounded, fell upon his sword. Pharoah blinded, charged his army into the middle of the sea only to drowned. Judas tormented, hung himself. If we don't want their fates, it best we don't follow their examples. 

Sincerely, Selena